REVIEW ARCHIVE

Welcome to the Review Archive! I've separated my reviews into 2 sections:

1. Films: Actual film noirs
2. Parodies: Film noir parodies, like movies parodying film noir or TV show noir episodes.

Enjoy!

FILMS

32. The Big Combo (1955)

This time, instead of having to go through shady sites, I had the pleasure of finding a YT channel dedicated to screening entire film noirs in the public domain without ads. The videos even have an intro, half-time break and outro from the guy running the channel dressed up like a classic private eye! The channel's called Full Moon Matinee for anyone curious. Anyway, about the film itself. The Big Combo tells a story about desperation, last ditch efforts, panic and confusion. A labyrinth with no clear exit, from Lieutenant Diamond struggling to charge Mr. Brown with any crime, to Susan Lowell finding herself trapped with no clear exit. It's about revisiting the past and its many mysteries, and it's executed really well. The great writing and beautifully noir cinematography made this a very enjoyable film to watch! Who knows what kinds of things hide in the shadows and the fog?

31. D.O.A. (1950? 1949? Noone agrees on what year this film came out.)

A film noir about the futility of trying to escape the inevitable, told in classic flashback format, D.O.A. has all the bells and whistles, though it didn't live up to the hype the plot synopsis gave out. For some reason, in one specific scene, whenever our main guy Frank Bigelow (Edmond O'Brien) looked at a lady passing by, a strangely out-of-place sliding whistle played. Interesting choice...? Also, awesome jazz solo!

30. The Dark Past (1948)

Ending off August with a noir I've wanted to watch for a bit, The Dark Past portrays one of my favorite psychological analyses so far, although its accuracy is highly debatable. My main gripe with this film is its beginning and ending, since the meat of the story is told in a flashback. Frankly, I think it would've worked better if the Al Walker story was told as-is without the exposition..

29. Scarlet Street (1945)

This film was a punch in the gut. While its ending wasn't as horrifying as Ace in the Hole, it is extremely hopeless. Chris (Edward G. Robinson) has no home left, the closest people he's ever been with murdered and the guilt of his own crime looming over him.

28. Pickup on South Street (1953)

Despite the grim moments and high-tense action scenes, Pickup on South Street gave me many good laughs. Perhaps it's because its biggest theme - the Red Scare - is now an outdated concept that we don't take seriously anymore.

Maltese Falcon (1941) REVISITED

After over 2 years, I finally decided to go back and revisit one of the great classics of film noir, The Maltese Falcon, only this time I wasn't alone. This time, I watched it with my good friend, who isn't very keen on noir but has heard enough of it from my rambles to know a little about it. This and the fact that I took notes of the characters to keep track of the plot while watching the movie, helped me realize how insanely good The Maltese Falcon is. The theme of distrust runs deep in this film, showcased through lies, a tale of revenge, the loveless and often confusing shows of affection, all culminating in the statuette being nothing but a fake. All efforts proved fruitless leading to frustration and anger, but ultimately a sliver of hope as Gutman and Cairo set off to Istanbul once more. Now I really understand why people loved this movie!

27. The Blue Dahlia (1946)

This movie is a complete blur to me. Sure, I watched it but I can't really recall anything that interesting about it. Maybe a rewatch will do me good...

26. The Woman on the Beach (1947)

Despite it not being the best noir out there, The Woman on the Beach manages to have a very interesting plot in a well established setting, with high tensed action scenes and a satisfying ending that felt right. Maybe that's the film's problem: it's too nice.

25. Chicago Deadline (1949)

Much like a journalist trying to get information out of someone, Chicago Deadline is dynamic, to the point and quick to tell things how they really are. A fun film noir through and through, it kept me entertained from beginning to end with its ever thickening plot filled with runaways, promises and countless mentions of Rosita. Not to mention the flashbacks! Those are always fun.

24. On Dangerous Ground (1951)

A nice and classic film noir to end off the month of March with a bang, On Dangerous Ground tells the story of a city cop by the name of Jim Wilson whose methods of getting perps to spill information are more than a little violent. It's sort of split up into two parts: the gritty and violent city at night, and the lone, white vastness of a snowy mountain town. Also worth noting is the use of a hand-held camera, something we take for granted in today's movies. An interesting choice indeed! ^_^

23. Detour (1945)

Detour is a short, grim, low-budget and highly enjoyable film noir. The entire story is told in the form of a narrated flashback right until the very end, and you can tell from the start that things aren't going to end well for Al (Tom Neal), especially considering how miserable he looks in every shot. By the most unlucky coincidence in cinema, midway through the movie he is joined by Vera (Ann Savage) with an outstandingly rotten and wicked performance. All in all, I just really liked this noir.

22. Ace in the Hole (1951)

Out of all the film noirs I've watched so far, Ace in the Hole is the only one that managed to put a terrible pit in my stomach all throughout. Leo Minosa's diminishing state and preventable death, the way the hill fills up with cheerful crowds and a full on carnival with songs, the desecration of indigenous land, and all for the ever-hungry masses of media... It's like a concentrated mix of hopelessness, that noir special. Impactful and impressive, sure, but it's not a film I'd like to rewatch any time soon.

21. Beware, My Lovely (1952)

A home invasion noir set right after WWII with elements of Christmas suburban cheer (and more specifically the vulnerability of it), Beware, My Lovely feels unrelentlessly cruel at times. It gives you this desperate hope, to see Helen Gordon get out of the house and run away, and every time it gets snatched just out of our reach. Also worth mentioning is Howard Wilton as the weakened male role, a staple of noir protagonists. I loved the cinematography and its clever use of mirrors and reflective surfaces; Who IS Howard Wilton? Is he the amnesiac, the kind-hearted gentleman, or the aggressive criminal? Bear in mind this film is from the 50's, and so discussion of mental illness was not a common topic.

20. Kiss Me Deadly (1955)

Known to many as the last of the classic noir era (although that is a very debatable opinion), Kiss Me Deadly is a wildly confusing and shockingly brutal film noir that stands out from the typical formula, while still highlighting the greater themes of hopelessness and fear that drive noir at its core. I personally enjoyed watching it, although that's because I didn't stop to consider every single plot thread inside the film and instead went along with the (quite explosive) ride.

19. Born to Kill (1947)

I couldn't find anything really interesting to note about this noir except for a few greatly shot scenes, spread far and few. Aside from Sam Wilde's obsessive and over-the-top methods of, uh.. getting rid of his "problems", what I found most interesting about Born to Kill was that it apparently played part in a real life murder case, and that it got outright banned in some parts of the US.

18. Gilda (1946)

WE'RE BACK BABY! This movie was great. By the end I couldn't really figure out if Gilda really deserved everything that happened to her -- one's mind tends to be one's greatest prison after all -- but I really like the psychological elements in this film (a very common element in film noir, actually!). Gilda is at the center of conflict as her mere presence and (usually extreme and unpredictable) actions send the casino on a downward spiral all the way to the end. In general, I really liked it.

17. The Asphalt Jungle (1950)

There's not much to say about this film personally, though I enjoyed it a lot! Great cinematography as always and the ever-present theme of fear is very apparent. Something about those horses, man...

16. I Wake Up Screaming (1941)

With its dark lighting, constant feeling of paranoia and a doomed finale felt from the very beginning, I Wake Up Screaming is truly the father of all noirs. Vicky's untimely demise is what launches the plot forward, yet it becomes almost like a background element as everything surrounding her murder starts to unravel in complex loops and tangled knots. This film is another good starting point for folks who are just getting into the genre.

15. In a Lonely Place (1950)

I may or may not have fallen asleep two thirds into the movie (that's something personal not akin to the film itself, but still, whoops)... In a Lonely Place is cruel, it's tense, it grabs you by the neck and you can't bear to look but you can't turn away... Sure, we as the audience *know* Dix didnt kill Mildred Atkinson, but the way the movie makes you doubt what should be a solid fact really shows how cleverly it plays with your mind.

14. The Third Man (1949)

A classic noir, and an interesting spin on the typically American focus of noir films. The music and setting give it a very surprisingly unique atmosphere. What really impressed me was the cinematography, like c'mon man look at those dutch angles!

13. Nightmare Alley (1947)

Yes, you read that right, this movie took me around a month to complete. I just wasn't that into it, I suppose? Anyway... Nightmare Alley was oddly entertaining. There is something so terrible, so anxiety-inducing in the way Stan's decisions --which are supposed to be out of his own volition-- end up leading him to a predetermined fate again and again.

12. The Thin Man (1934)

Although it was quite the enjoyable film and I found some parts like the whodunnit dinner scene at the end to be fun, I wasn't a fan of the lighthearted and "happy" ending. That's not to say other film noirs don't have endings similar to it (lest we forget the Hays Code), or that every film noir is required to have a bad ending. Even still, I liked it.

11. Double Indemnity (1944)

Much like the previous film, this is a story about two strangers meeting, quickly falling in love, getting into an affair and murdering the dame's husband (Except this time, it's for the sake of love AND insurance money!). Overall, I liked this movie :-] .

10. The Postman Always Rings Twice (1946)

A very intense movie allthroughout with a solid and easy to understand plot. I will say though, the scenes where Frank kisses Cora even when she explicitly states she doesn't want to are a little dated and gross for my taste. In the end, the postman always does ring twice...

9. The Detective (1968)

Would you look at that, a neo-noir! The Detective tackles the topic of homosexuality surprisingly well considering the time it was made, though you could make the argument that a lot of the classic noirs have homoerotic undertones... Also, no clue how I managed to watch this online! I scrubbed the net for it and eventually found a Spanish dub in really low quality. But hey, I took it.

8. Touch Of Evil (1958)

I really liked Touch of Evil. There's a very clear and strong message about police corruption and how cops are able to get away with it, and I'll always be a sucker for tense endings. Quote my original review, "Extra bonus points for Vargas beating a bunch of people up because of his wife and wearing suspenders".

7. The Killing (1956)

While difficult to keep up at first, it quickly gets tenser and tenser as the plot develops and more bits and pieces of the heist are shown, until you can feel the film basically strangling you. Is that not the essence of film noir; the fear, the looming danger?

6. Sunset Blvd. (1950)

A solid movie! Looking at my past review it's very clear I didn't understand the film very well, so I'll have to revisit it... In the meantime, if you're looking for a better review, here's a review that goes into what makesSunset Boulevard such a great noir.

5. The Big Heat (1953)

The Big Heat is one hell of a film... It's got everything, from dead wives and half-burnt faces all the way to the main protagonist going "Why I oughta...". Seeing Bannion's gradual decline from a decent father down to a revenge-seeking mess of a man is very entertaining. If you're looking for a crazier film noir, this one's bound to do ya good. No joke, I screamed, cried and laughed watching this film.

4. The Big Sleep (1946)

This movie was a blur. I kid you not, I've tried watching it countless times and I just never get to finish it, except for the first time I watched it. Apparently it made me laugh out loud due to how "ridiculous some of the scenes were", so there's that..? I need to revisit this film... I'm sure it's great.

3. Out of the Past (1947)

I really liked the beginning portion of it. The flashback really set the atmosphere and an interesting story, though later it got way too confusing for its own good (Who names their characters Joe, Jeff, Jim and Jack?). That being said, the cinematography was wonderful.

2. The Maltese Falcon (1941)

While I understand the cultural value behind this film and how it contributed hugely to the genre, I didn't enjoy my time watching it (and later revisiting it). Yeah, the plot really confused me...

1. Laura (1944)

This is the first film noir I ever watched and got me hooked on the genre. From its (fittingly) dreamy orchestral score to its ever expanding murder plot, there's a lot to say abot Laura Hunt, both as the ill-fated dame and as her oh so hauntingly beautiful portrait. If you like murder plots and are looking to get into film noir, I definitely recommend watching it.

PARODIES

16. Animaniacs S3E7 This Pun for Hire (1995)

It's peak. It's peak. It's peak. It's peak. That's all I could repeat to myself as I watched the best 8 minutes of western animation in my life. Are the jokes and parodies made in the episode absolutely absurd and stupid? Yes. Are they also so well written they made me shed a tear? Also yes. If you wanna check out any of the parodies I list here, this is a must-watch.

15. 101 Dalmatians: The Series S2E38 K Is For Kibble

Two noir parodies in the same season?! And they're not even that far away from each other! Some writer must've binge watched a couple noir flicks. This episode didn't impress me as much as "The Maltese Chicken" but the more constant voiceover was a nice touch. No Peter Lorre bird this time.

14. 101 Dalmatians: The Series S2E29 The Maltese Chicken (1997)

This might be the most well-written noir parody I've seen in a long time. The fact that this show has 2 noir parodies plus other episodes titled "Film Fatale" and "My Fair Chicken" tells me someone in that writing team truly loved the genre. And it shows! The noir monologue is on-point and has just the right amount of egg-related puns. Also, there's a Peter Lorre bird that shows up for 5 seconds and is never mentioned again?

13. Jellystone! S3E9 Jellystone Noir (2024)

I've never watched Jellystone! before, and I highly doubt I'll watch another episode of it again, but this noir episode was quite entertaining. I liked the way they made fun of stereotypes like the internal narrations of characters (plus Shag turning increasingly senile was funny, his line about "great woodwork" made me chuckle).

12. The Fairly OddParents: A New Wish S1E11 Mystery She Wished (2024)

This all new FOP noir parody episode is definitely a big step-up from the first one they did back in 2003: The pace feels just fine for an 11 minute episode, the lighting effects are beautifully well done thanks to the 3D textured look the reboot has, and some jokes landed really well. You can never go wrong with red herring puns!

11. Cars Toons Mater's Tall Tales E9 Mater Private Eye (2010)

*points at the screen* Guys guys its just like the Maltese Falcon (1941) !!!!!!!!!! As far children's show noir parodies go, this one is surprisignly charming and actually got a few chuckles out of me! Does this mean I'm easily entertained by a kid's show 4-minute-long parody of popular noir tropes? ...Maybe. Sorry, I've got history with Cars. You do not wanna know how many times I watched the second one as a kid.

10. The Fairly OddParents S3E28 Where's Wanda? (2003)

This parody was like watching something on 2x speed; maybe I've gotten too used to 2 hour-long noirs but the pacing for this episode was insanely fast. As far as plot and anything else goes, it was.. alright? Nothing much to say about it. I do like the touch of every location having a big neon sign attached to it.

9. Dan Vs. S2E10 Dan Vs. The Catburglar (2012)

After so much time without even hearing of this show (I watched a few episodes a few months back) it was a breath of fresh air to see a noir parody done so wonderfully. Typical clichés aside, I found the narration and dialogue to be very on-point, the gaussy close-ups made me chuckle and the plot was about as mysterious as cat burglary can get. What impressed me the most was the music; apparently composed by a Patrick Griffin, the change from moody slow jazz to a faster paced theme for the car chase scene was really exciting.

8. My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic S5E15 Rarity Investigates! (2015)

I actually found this parody to be very fun, from character dialogue (and monologue) to the switches between the normal setting and the noir styled, black-and-white atmosphere. Rarity being the detective was intriguing as she played both parts of the stereotypical noir plot; she investigated and solved the case like a true detective, but she also gathered information through sweet talk akin to a classic femme fatale. This play on gender roles is weirdly intricate and unseen for a noir parody, especially from a children's show like MLP:FiM. Maybe I've gone insane.

7. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia S14E6 The Janitor Always Mops Twice (2019)

A really fun noir parody! I liked the red highlights to contrast the black and white shades, plus it had a nice twist from the usual bloody routine since everything was centered around a cherry scheme. The dialogue was also really well done.

6. Spongebob S11E15 Squid Noir (2011)

ooking at my original review... Yup, I have nothing to say about this parody. It's pretty standard.

5. Garfield and Friends S1E123 Garfield's Babes And Bullets (1998)

Hey, another noir parody! Can you tell I love looking for these? I don't have much to say about this episode, so I'll leave you with this quote from my original review: "Everything about it is so good". Suppose that "everything" includes the spayed cat jokes...

4. Duckman S3E01 Noir Gang (1996)

A fun parody with all the bells and whistles. Noir Gang was quite the experience to watch, and I recommend watching it if you want to get a good laugh. It's Duckman, after all.

3. The Cheap Detective (1978)

If you've talked to me or scrolled through my blog far enough, you'll notice I'm a big Columbo fan. So when I heard they made a noir parody starring Peter Falk I immediately ran to watch it, and my god it delivers. The Cheap Detective is incredibly funny and clever, has got a great score and beautiful opening credits. I laughed out loud multiple times while watching it, so I recommend you take a look at it yourself!

2. Family Guy S20E9 The Fatman Always Rings Twice (2021)

I wrote the review for this parody 6+ months after watching it because I completely forgot to write something about it. Whoops... As far as I recall, it was a pretty good parody, and I really liked the way it pointed out certain noir tropes like the excessive drinking and Mac BookPro (Peter Griffin) having a Thesaurus and frequenting the library thus explaining the smart dialogue.

1. Gaturro S1E20 R.I.P Emilio (2014)

Ni pinche idea de cuando me vi esta parodia pero creo que eso no importa mucho porque mi opinión no cambiaría. Esta parodia es... interesante, supongo. Interesantemente terrible, porque es una parodia al noir que no entiende el noir y se basa mas en lo que la masa comun cree que es noir. Es Gaturro, no sé que me esperaba.